What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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