He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
