She went from zero to smokin in five shots
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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