woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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