wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
