Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
