have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
