Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
