it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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