Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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