3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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