WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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