Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
