I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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