oh god the rape fog is back!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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