Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
