Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
