you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
