Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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