I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
this is an emotional support booty call
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
