wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
