Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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