I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
