Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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