He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
