one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
