I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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