So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
