My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
