I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
