Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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