I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
