bring money and cleavage
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
