Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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