I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
