I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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