Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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