ugly people sure do ruin things
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
