i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
