well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
