maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
