The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
