Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
