i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
