oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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