i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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