the condom got lost in my hair
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
