When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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