There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
