I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
