He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
